How to survive the grief? Why is it important to experience grief?
Every person at least once in his life experienced grief. This can be a divorce, death of a loved one or another loss of life. All experiences manifest differently. At such times, you want to open your eyes and realize that this is just a dream? and in fact there was nothing. But, unfortunately, it is not. Man experiences despair, emptiness, fear. The soul is torn apart from the inability to change something and return it back. But life goes on? and need to move on.
The worst grief is the death of loved ones. When relatives, friends, and acquaintances leave, we do not forget them, their memory will forever remain in our hearts. It is necessary to go through grief, to treat this period sensibly. The question is how to do it?
There are several stages of experiencing grief that a person goes through:
The first stage is shock and denial. When a person learns about the death of a loved one, he does not fully believe. It remains to be hoped that this is not true, an error has occurred, this could not happen. Denial continues at all in different ways.A week later, there is tension, a feeling of unreality of what is happening, spiritual devastation and apathy. A man at this time lives a happy past, recalls good and kind moments, thinks about the past and does not want to accept the present. Anger comes later. Anger from powerlessness to change circumstances, anger to a new bitter reality, in which it is so difficult to live without a loved one.
The second period - anger, anger, great resentment. The man does not understand why this happened to him. If this is a divorce or separation, then there is a desire to take out anger, to make the former spouse as sick as possible. If this is the death of a loved one, then there is an insult to the deceased for having left family and friends and died. People start to feel sorry for themselves, not knowing what to do next.
The third stage is a deal. At this stage, reality is blurred, what is happening around is foggy. During this period, the person tries to agree and return the lost. Pleas for the spouse not to throw, promises that will change. In the case of a dying relative, prayers are turned to God for salvation. At this time, the person is ready to do everything to correct the situation.In the case of death by the mind, a person understands that you will not return anything back, but death has not yet arrived in the subconscious mind. Sometimes there are thoughts to call a person, talk to him, although he will not be returned. It seems that this is a dream, and it will end soon.
The fourth stage is depression. During this period, a person feels self-pity, feels hopelessness, despair, bitterness. This affects the physiological state. There is a weakness, pain in the chest, lump in the throat. Just at that time comes the understanding of reality and the realization of loss. A person realizes that what he dreamed about, planned, hoped for will never be realized. A person loses interest in life and does not see the meaning of existence. All the time he thinks about the man who passed away from his life, remembers and suffers. At this time, the relationship with others is strained, the grieving person seeks for solitude, does not make contact.
But you need to gain strength, leave the experience in the past and remember only the good. When a person realizes that the deceased will remain forever with him, in his heart and in good memories, then the final stage of experiencing grief begins. Family and friends should be extremely attentive to the well-being of the person who is experiencing the loss. Monitor the mental and emotional state.Some people try to forget themselves with antidepressants, alcohol or even drugs. It is important to prevent the aggravation of an already difficult situation.
The fifth stage is adoption. At this stage, the acceptance of the existing reality takes place, the loss is already perceived as inevitable. Humility comes with a loss. At the end of this period, a psychological cure begins and a return to everyday routine life, work, and family. Relations with others are being established. The experience of grief goes to the background, but often comes back in the form of flashbacks of memories. May be accompanied by a serious mental state, mood deterioration, tearfulness, but it quickly passes. They are caused by what reminds of the deceased (photos, personal things, memorable dates).
But over time, there are only warm memories, not related to the grief. Returning to normal life, people gradually forget about the pain, because he needs to work, solve various issues, deal with business and family. And the image of the deceased takes a certain place in life and becomes a kind of positive symbol.
How to survive the grief?
Unfortunately, there is no medicine that helps turn the page without pain and suffering. This period must be experienced and moved on. At the stages of experiencing grief, a person will need help in order to have the strength to live on.
Begin to look at life and the surrounding reality in a different way. As a rule, having experienced grief, you begin to appreciate those who are around, every day you spend with your loved ones, talk about your feelings more often and take care of relatives. Also, after the loss, people less seriously and painfully perceive minor everyday problems. What undoubtedly makes life more positive. So, experiencing grief gives people invaluable experience and an opportunity to understand what needs to be valued for what is and to love life.
How to cope with grief? Why grief need to go through?
The main thing for a person experiencing grief is to realize the reality of loss. Understand that this has already happened. You can not fix anything. All you can do is accept the loss and resign yourself to it. Try not to close, talk about what you feel. Share what is happening in your soul with family and friends or a psychologist.Organize everything you need to say goodbye to a loved one and attend all the rituals (funerals, funerals, 9 days, 40 days, a year). However hard it is, it will help to comprehend the departure from the life of a loved one and take the event as inevitable.
At the stage of experiencing pain, it is important to understand what is happening to you and what you are experiencing with absolutely normal feelings. Spend more time with loved ones or with those who have already experienced the loss. Realizing the fact that you are not the only person on earth who is experiencing loss, you will calm down a little. And people who have already survived the death of a loved one, will help you with advice and support.
There is a special exercise - draw a circle around you and express everything that you feel. Then get out of the circle. This symbolizes that all bad emotions will remain there, and you will go on without pain and bitterness of loss, keeping in your heart the bright image of the person who left this world. It will be deposited on a subconscious level, and it will become easier for you.
Try to get used to the idea that there is no longer a loved one, and realize the need to continue living. Think about what the deceased gave you and what you can do out of it.Indeed, in such a situation, a person experiences many fears concerning later life. Including everyday household things. For example, if a woman lost her husband, who provided her and children, she realizes that now you need to earn money on your own to live and feed the child, and usually have to remember about the education she once received. And the fact that she will be able to earn herself and support her family will ultimately give strength.
Set up a calm communication with others. Of course, they will treat your grief with understanding. You need the support and attention of loved ones, but perhaps there will be a desire to be alone. And here it is important without quarrels and, without offending relatives, to tell them about it. If you need to communicate and help - always seek the support of others, do not rely in yourself. After all, they are very worried about you and want good.
Try to find even the slightest sense in the care of a loved one. This is the most difficult task, which can only be started at the adoption stage, at other stages severe pain will not let you think about it. And when you start to get used to losing and calm down, you can think about the meaning of leaving a loved one.For example, if a person suffered from a serious illness - getting rid of torment, if he was a widower - a meeting in the sky with his wife. Come up with even the most absurd excuses. And maybe one of them will bring relief.
Often after the death of a loved one, especially unexpected, a person starts to blame himself and scold him for not paying much attention to recently. I did not finish the promised things, I did not say how much I love, I did not have time to say goodbye. This creates tension and anxiety in the hardest psychological situation. Should get rid of feelings of guilt and incompleteness. Write a message to the dead. Tell us about your feelings, about your morale, and ask for forgiveness for what could have hurt him or for certain actions. Think about the fact that he will hear and forgive you. This is an important step towards a return to normalcy.
Direct energy to real relationships with loved ones. Remember that you still have many dear and beloved people for whom it is worth living and they also need you. Gradually, the pain will subside, turning into sadness. Then comes the awareness and sense of family cohesion.When relatives support each other, grief is easier to survive. Give attention, love, support to live close people. In time, you will realize that you have become wiser and realize that you have acquired a lot with loss.
After the stage of awareness and acceptance, you will be able to think about how to spend energy on good deeds. The left person lives in your heart, you can always communicate with him in thoughts. If he died of a disease, think about the fact that many people suffer from such a disease, and if you can help them, help. Engage in charity or become a volunteer. You will be able to support people in a similar situation. Some people create aid funds to combat any disease. Or, for example, a departed loved animals and wanted to build an orphanage, but did not have time: to finish what had been started. Thus, you will always know that a piece of a loved one is here in this project.
Death is inevitable. It will happen to everyone once. Try to accept it and learn to live after the grief experienced. Do not hide emotions inside. They will still go out, but manifest much more destructive.In the form of insomnia, addictions, health problems. There may be nervous breakdowns, difficulties in communicating with people.
There are special programs designed by doctors to help people get out of depression and relive grief. The help of qualified doctors will not be superfluous. Do not forget about yourself, you will not return the departed, but you need to raise children, help parents and just live. Therefore, do not let everything take its course, seek to survive the pain of loss. Try to pull yourself together.
Remember that time heals, it will put everything in its place and life will return to its normal course. To experience pain after the death of loved ones is absolutely natural and normal. It is peculiar to all people. Everything that is happening to you now will make you stronger and wiser. And after some time, you will again be able to live a full-fledged happy life and enjoy yourself. And to the departed close person you will experience tender and kind feelings. About him will only warm and pleasant memories.
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